Redirecting the Story

By Rev. Carol Wilson

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” 

-- C.S. Lewis

Recently I found myself in a pickle. I made a mistake in an expensive purchase and called to request a return and refund. After several attempts, I reached the same clerk one more time. This time, although I started calm, I ended up frustrated and feeling absolutely stymied. I was pursuing the path that made complete sense to me and yet was getting nowhere. The clerk was feeling unable to make any difference in the situation and wanted me to go away. We got into a bit of a verbal pushing match and by the time we ended the call, we had agreed on the next steps but neither of us was happy and I was left shaken.

I don’t enjoy conflict and I get frustrated when something that seems rational and possible doesn’t play out like I expect.  It leaves me feeling stuck and inept and surprised.  I have found that if I can practice empathy and curiosity, I can usually find a better path. I have practiced techniques to help me stay calm under pressure. Yet in this situation, old patterns came through of sticking with one path—even though it wasn’t working—and just becoming more insistent to try to get a resolution. It left me amazed at how recurrent old patterns can be and how they can bring up old feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy.

In times like this, the quote from C. S. Lewis gives me hope. Frustrations and slip-ups are going to happen.  Old patterns are so ingrained that they trigger easily and sometimes we find ourselves in their snares before we can even recognize it’s happening. Lewis reminds me (us) that there are some things we can’t go back and undo and there are circumstances that are out of our control.

When we pause long enough to assess where we are—even in the middle of the situation—we can make better choices based on the direction we want to go.

In short, we can always start where we are and change the ending for how we feel about ourselves, how we feel towards others, and how we carry the story in our hearts and minds. 

Where in life are you tempted to repeat old patterns?

How can pausing and assessing help you to redirect your story?