Planting Joy

By: Rachel Engels

“You don't need a perfect life to love your life. You just need to create moments that remind you it's worth loving. Sip your tea slowly, play your favourite songs on repeat, let yourself laugh too loudly, and notice how even in the mess, there's so much to be grateful for. “

~Kate Bowler

It was September 2020 when I hit my low point.

We were months into the pandemic, with no end in sight. I had a nine-month-old and a four-year-old who had spent far too many days indoors after every playground in Los Angeles County was closed for months. Like so many parents, I was trying to keep young children entertained, active, and emotionally healthy within the confines of our home. At the same time, my husband was working the most grueling schedule of his television production career. Saturdays were spent trying to let him recover with a few extra hours of sleep while I did my best to keep the children quiet in our small house. Then Sunday arrived, and we braced ourselves to do it all over again.

On top of the exhaustion of that time, a massive wildfire broke out nearby, blanketing our entire area in a thick cloud of smoke that lasted for three full weeks. No open windows. Bits of ash raining down like snowflakes, blanketing the car in toxic dust. Stuck inside, tripping over the toys in our tiny living space, and staring out at the gray clouds of smoke, I hit my breaking point and called a psychiatrist because I couldn't shake the depression and remember saying aloud with pitiful resignation, "Well, I guess the last thing to go is my brain."

That year, amid everything happening in the world and in my own life, I needed more than antidepressant medication—though I'm deeply grateful for how much it helped. I also needed beauty wherever I could find it.

I clung to small moments of beauty like an oxygen tank: a vase of fresh tulips on the kitchen table, standing out amid a sea of baby gear and dirty dishes; handmade curtains from a Latvian artist that brought warmth and color into our kitchen; simple touches that reminded me life could still be beautiful.

None of these things changed my circumstances. But they helped me feel more alive. In a season when so much felt depleted, I discovered that beauty wasn't frivolous—it was restorative.

Beauty helps joy bloom.

Looking back on those days now, I remember how critical it was to do something beautiful or creative or playful, just to push back against everything that felt like it was falling apart.

Despair tells us that nothing can grow again. But that isn't the whole story. Every act of beauty is a quiet act of hope, planting seeds that can flourish even in ash-covered soil.

So plant your flowers. Pull the weeds. Let even the smallest corner of your garden become a reminder that not everything is lost.

Where can you bring life to something neglected?

Where can you create a small moment of beauty, joy, or delight this week—for yourself or someone else?

Additional Resources:

🎙️Listen to our Celebration Meditation:

https://www.bewellresourcesla.com/podcasts/coping-2/episodes/2148883747